Today...

Today, has been a rough and trying day for me.

I knew I would be having a hysterectomy, I just didn't know when... 

Today, I know when... and it's soon. Really soon. As in, end of July soon.

I'm scared.

I'm anxious.

I'm worried.

I'm hoping more than anything that I'm making the right decision.

I'm sad that my own body will never carry another baby.

I'm sad when I think of all the "what if's...". What if we were to have another child? What would our family be like? I know Maggie would LOVE being a big sister, she LOVES babies! 

I'm sad to miss some of summer (my favorite time of year) due to surgery and recovery....

But, all I have to do is look at this:

... and I know that I am making the best decision for myself and for my family. I am so blessed to have these two amazing, wonderful, beautiful and smart munchkins that are mine. I could wait (and in the meantime feel pretty miserable) and see if I could get pregnant, and in turn carry a baby to term... or I could have the surgery now... and not lose another minute (due to feeling miserable) with these two cuties! The latter sounds so much better. And, even though I'm sad, discouraged, nervous, terrified, feeling very alone, and wishing that this wasn't a decision I ever had to make...

All I have to do is look at Jack and Maggie, and know that I am blessed beyond my dreams, and that my life is completely full.

As is our family... as a family of four.